Can it, you spammers

Picture by 'freezelight'

I’VE been the victim of dozens of persistent spammers recently – or, at least, this blog has. (Though why they’d want to target a site that’s devoted to my passion for plain English, heaven only knows.)

Judging from their mangling of the language, they could certainly use one or two of my free tutorials – but reading their dire messages, it soon becomes obvious that’s not why they’ve come calling.

They’re a devious bunch, most of these senders of spam. Their “generic” comments are designed to fool the receiver into believing they’re responding to an article on the blog. A look at their own Internet addresses quickly gives the game away – that, and their excruciating English.

“Lenora Sandahl” almost had me fooled into thinking she was someone who genuinely wanted my help.

“The publish is definitely the freshest on this treasured topic,” she writes. “I concur collectively along with your conclusions and may eagerly sit up for your future updates. Saying thanks won’t merely be passable, for the good lucidity in your writing.”

I was going to reply to dear Lenora, who’s in obvious need of some help with her English, but just as I was about to click on her address, I saw that it was for a website devoted to selling a certain brand of camera.

Another – “Shanghai Escort” – assures me she’ll be back (but at least her name left no doubt as to what she was all about). “I just want to see related blog for a project of research and my partner,” she writes. “I’m going to occasionally stumble in your posts. Of this valuable information Thanks!”

Lots of her friends have dropped by, too, judging from the number of escort-related visitors to the blog.

But maybe I’m being too cynical. Maybe they all genuinely want to brush up on their English. It would help them avoid some embarrassing misunderstandings with their customers, perhaps.

“Vitamins for Hair Loss Info” didn’t even bother giving the name of an individual.

“Hello there,” begins the gobbledegook-filled message. “I begin an accomplished web-site while analytic for assorted strategies and accident weight, I accept to let you apperceive your websites are in fact absorbing and that i like this topic. I in fact dont acquire a amazing bulk of your activity in adjustment to apprentice your absolute blogposts although Concerning assets apparent it as able-bodied if agreed to a person’s RSS feeds. Anon we will be in a abbreviate while. acclaim for the top cleft internet site.”


As for “Vippi”, I have no idea what he or she was trying to sell me.

“I am in the seventh heaven to see so countless ordinary intelligence at this suggestion viscera the mail,” he/she writes. “We insist develop more methods middle this observe, thanks for sharing.”

You’re welcome, Vippi – I think ….

As for me, I’d rather take my Spam out of a can (if I really have to), thanks. — Stevie Godson

(A version of this column was first published in the Daily Dispatch)


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This entry was posted by stevieg on Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011 at 8:47 am and is filed under A Passion for Words, General . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.


  1. Amy Potts says:

    Funny! Just plain funny.

  2. Anna says:

    Oh my word. I thing Google Translate really let these guys down. I’ve got some eye bleach if you need some.

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